Everything about Shame totally explained
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Shame (also called
ignominy) is the consciousness or awareness of
dishonor, disgrace, or
condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself". Therapist
John Bradshaw calls shame the "emotion that lets us know we're finite".
Characterizing shame
Shame vs. guilt
There is no standard distinction between shame and
guilt. The cultural anthropologist
Ruth Benedict describes shame as a violation of cultural or social values while feelings of guilt arise from violations of internal values. It is possible to feel ashamed of thought or behavior that no one knows about as well as feeling guilty about actions that gain the approval of others. However, in
Facing Shame, therapists Fossum and Mason state "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." Shame is needed to establish limits,
in childhood, since young children are unable to associate cause and effect by themselves. However, as children become better able to judge their own actions, guilt becomes the
conscience former. Although, in general, guilt guides adult consciences, intrinsic shame is often present in adults too.
Shame vs. embarrassment
Shame differs from
embarrassment in that it doesn't necessarily involve public humiliation: one can feel shame for an act known only to oneself, but in order to be embarrassed, one's actions must be revealed to others. Also, shame carries the connotation of a response to qualities that are considered morally wrong, whereas one can be embarrassed regarding actions that are morally neutral but socially unacceptable. Another view of shame and embarrassment is that the two emotions lie on a continuum and only differ in intensity. The wish to sink into the ground and disappear from view, to hide oneself from eyes that witness one's embarrassment or humiliation is common to both.
Toxic shame
Psychologists often use the term "toxic" shame to describe false, and therefore, pathological shame. Therapist John Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse.
Incest and other forms of
child sexual abuse can cause particularly severe toxic shame. Toxic shame often induces what is known as
complex trauma in children who can't cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who
dissociate the shame until it's possible to cope with.
Shamery (and shaming) is often associated with torture (see the
psychology of torture). It is also a central feature of
punishment,
shunning, or
ostracism. In addition, shame is often seen in victims of child neglect, child abuse and a host of other crimes against children. Parental
incest is considered by child psychologists to be the ultimate form of shaming.
Religious shame
Milgram experiment, described in the book
Obedience to Authority, pp. 48-49,
Stanley Milgram described one of a very few individuals in the entire series of experiments who was able to successfully resist authority without experiencing feelings of shame. This subject, a professor of religion, explained that his reason for being able to resist unjust authority with equanimity came from his religious
faith. The subject explained that "If one has [God] as one's ultimate authority ... then it trivializes human authority." Milgram wrote that "the answer for this man lies in the repudiation of authority, not in the substitution of good -- that is[,] divine -- authority for bad."
Vicarious shame
Psychologists recently introduced the notion of vicarious shame, which refers to the experience of shame on behalf of another person. Individuals vary in their tendency to experience vicarious shame, which is related to
neuroticism and to the tendency to experience personal shame. Extremely shame-prone people might even experience vicarious shame even to an increased degree, in other words: shame on behalf of another person who is already feeling shame on behalf of a third party (or possibly on behalf of the individual proper).
Shame in society
Shame is considered one aspect of
socialization in all societies.
Shame is enshrouded in legal precedent as a pillar of punishment and ostensible correction.
Shame has been linked to
narcissism in the psychoanalytic literature. It is one of the most intense emotions. The individual experiencing shame may feel totally despicable, worthless and feel that there's no .
According to the anthropologist
Ruth Benedict,
cultures may be classified by their emphasis of using either shame or
guilt to regulate the social activities of their members.
Shared opinions and expected behaviours that cause the feeling of shame (as well as an associated reproval) if violated by an individual are in any case proven to be very efficient in guiding behaviour in a group or society.
Shame is a common form of control used by those people who commit
relational aggression. It is an important weapon in marriage, family, and church settings. It is also used in the workplace as a form of overt social control or aggression.
Shame campaign
A
shame campaign is a tactic in which particular individuals are singled out because of their behavior or suspected crimes, often by marking them publicly.
In the
Philippines, Mayor
Alfredo Lim popularized such tactics during his term as mayor of
Manila. On July 1, 1997, he began a controversial "spray paint shame campaign” in an effort to stop drug use. He and his team sprayed bright red paint on two hundred squatter houses whose residents had been charged, but not yet convicted, of selling prohibited substances. Officials of other municipalities, emboldened by Lim’s campaign, began conceiving their own anti-crime shame strategies.
Lim’s shame campaign generated much publicity, and many questioned the legality and humaneness of singling out unconvicted suspects. Former Senator Rene A. Saguisag, a member of Movement for Brotherhood, Integrity and Nationalism, Inc. (MABINI), issued a public statement condemning Lim’s policy: "The shame campaign violated presumption of innocence because it transgresses due process…" In
January 2000, the 14th Division of the Court of Appeals ruled the policy as "invalid and unconstitutional."
In
January 2005, Metro Manila Development Authority Chair
Bayani Fernando announced a "wet rags shame campaign" to target commuters who wait for rides in the middle of the streets. The MMDA traffic enforcers planned to punish jaywalkers by driving by in service vehicles and splashing them with wet rags attached to poles. Sound trucks were to drive ahead and warn pedestrians of their approach; those who refused to comply with traffic regulations were to have wet rags dropped on their heads.
Sen.
Richard Gordon disagreed with the shame tactic, saying such a way of disciplining pedestrians is a "return to Grade One." He added that the campaign might work for a time but would end up being futile. Rep. Vincent Crisologo of
Ilocos Sur, a known critic of Fernando, said the MMDA chief was resorting to martial law tactics. Rep. Rozzano Rufino Biazon of
Muntinlupa City, criticized the plan: "It only shows that the MMDA looks at people as animals who should be herded like cattle instead of using reason to make them follow the law… it's an admission that its personnel assigned to the thoroughfares are not doing their job."
Chairman Fernando, unfazed by criticisms, proceeded with the campaign.
In 2005, Tony Kwok,
Hong Kong’s former corruption chief, suggested that the Philippine government should carry out a shame campaign to eliminate
political corruption. A consultant of the Philippines’ Office of the Ombudsman, Kwok said, "This is what you need, a shame campaign. You have to let the politicians know that corruption is a high-risk crime." Kwok cited Hong Kong’s use of TV advertisements to discourage governmental misconduct. He added, "The best way is through enforcement and education."
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